Kathy Nimmer (guidedogjourney) wrote,
Kathy Nimmer

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More on the river bank

I've been home from the hospital for a week now and am still settling into my river bank, as referenced in the last entry. However, I'm figuring out some things about myself. One realization is that I base a good deal of my worth as a human being on what I do versus who I am, what matters to me, and why I do what I do. Now that the "what I do" has been temporarily put out of reach as I recover in relative solitude, I've struggled to be content and feel Like I matter very much at all. I am finding some reconfiguring happening, though, and while it isn't in stone or as easy or pain-free as I'd wish, I am quietly excited about some new ways of looking at things that are kindling in my river bank experience post-surgery. Elias, on the other hand, still sprints to the front door whenever anyone goes out, hopeful to feel the harness on his back once more. However, if I am honest, he still treasures just "being" pretty well. He greeted a visitor yesterday and then left the room to spill himself across his dog bed and snooze the morning away. That he does leap to action when presented an opportunity to go somewhere doesn't discount his mastery of relaxing and leaning into his ability to be still. So, I can learn from him too, and without doubt, I certainly will. After all, there is time to learn much on this river bank.
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